I met Justin in college a year ago and we quickly hit it off. We hang out several times a week and talk everyday. I’ve never enjoyed anyone’s company as much as I do his, and he’s been such a great friend. I eventually got up the courage to admit to him that I see him as more than a friend. He says that he feels the same way I do – loves being around me and values our friendship – but isn’t ready to commit to a relationship.
I’m about to graduate and I’ve talked with him about my prospects. He says he hopes I stay in the area, but still is not willing to consider us more than friends. I understand that because of his studies, he is under a lot of pressure, and I don’t want to be insensitive to that and push him. But he’s the kind of person I could see myself settling down with, and I don’t want to pass up that chance. How long is too long for me to wait for him to be ready? Should I plan on staying in the area to give us a chance?
-Should I Stay”
What I’m going to tell you is probably nothing you haven’t heard before, but for heaven’s sake, I hope you listen this time. Firstly, he’s already told you how long you should wait – you shouldn’t. You don’t want the same things. You are wasting time if you continue expecting that to change. He does like you, but best case scenario – he doesn’t want to hurt you and is trying to give you the easy let down. More likely, he’s selfishly enjoying your availability to him, and will gladly continue to do so with minimal effort on his part if you let him.
No, you should not stay, or at least, he should not be a factor at all in your decision. Haven’t you ever heard that you should not make someone a priority if you are only an option to them? As for settling down with him, his personality may be doing it for you, but his character surely is not. Take this for what it is: a fun friendship that helped clue you in to some of the qualities you’d like to have in a partner. Justin clearly isn’t ready for a partnership yet.
Revel in the success of completing college, and launch yourself into the big open world feeling confident that you will find the right man at the right time for both of you.